i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
