Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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