Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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