Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
