Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
