Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
