Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
