THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My balls are so social today.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
