yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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