I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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