I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
