i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He shit in the fireplace
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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