I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
