one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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