You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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