I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
