My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
