My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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