Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
