How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
