It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
