Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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