Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
