She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
