I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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