I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Drake has all the answers
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
