Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
