He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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