so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
