Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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