you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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