Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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