just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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