I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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