yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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