looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
