How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
