no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
