you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
