Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
