We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
