The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
