Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Randomize
