What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
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I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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