id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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