I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
