I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
