just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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