And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
