I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
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yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
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The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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