she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
