He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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