I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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