The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
