I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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