I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
porn star boner night. come get it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
