wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
