TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
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Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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