i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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