i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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