Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
