Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
