Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
