So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
