I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
