You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
