3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
