its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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