I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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