I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
