why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
