I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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