FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
