On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
