Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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