remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
