Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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