Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I AM VODKA MAN
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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