There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
