go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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