Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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