I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
