Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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