If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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