and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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