I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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