Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
