Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
