I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
